Ollie first appeared in mid-July and upon his arriving I had nothing that even resembled an abundance of mercy&compassion for him. The site of him in the early evening made my heart literally stop pumping. I was in the house for only a moment, as I had spent that day like most of the other sun filled summer days, out in the garden. I had retreated within only to get myself a long overdue glass of ice water.  I was not anticipating a bear arriving at that hour, for their normal behavior was not to show up until dusk around 8:30 p.m. It was well before that when this creature small in size to his brothers, but immense to me, arrived.

I caught site of him through my peripheral vision and my heart ceased to pump. I had many visits in the past from his relatives within the woods...but they were mostly long after I went to bed. I would be awakened by them walking on the roof of the earth ship, the part of the retreat burmed along a hillside. The bears did not know the boundary of where the dirt ended and the roof began. They would stomp along the roof, peering in occasionally through the skylights, sniffing the left over aroma of my dinner many hours earlier. 

It did not matter that I was more than protected within the sturdy walls built of earth burned tires...each time they appeared I irrationally feared they would somehow fall through the roof and I would be trapped in the house with a very disgruntled bear. I had no abundance of mercy&compassion for these large magnificent creatures, they were far too frightening to me and all I could ever muster up was more fear. To put it plainly I was terrified. I would often call a friend in the middle of the night, demanding he leave his own comfortable bed to come to protect me.

And here was Ollie, in the early evening, showing up totally unexpected and I was trapped. My evening in the garden came to an abrupt halt. 

At first I tried to console myself with the thought that he was simply passing through, as had all the others and as long as he did not discover any food he would not return. Those thoughts were completely off base, as this bear seem to enjoy The Sacred Garden just as much as I.

His visited daily and without any routine, at least not one that I could determine. I soon became aware that he could show up at any time of the day or night. Shortly after his first appearance he seemed to have made my garden his home and I was the one trapped inside, while he romped through the flowers and grass. He never ate a thing nor disturbed any of  the space immediately surrounding the house. He was simply hanging out.

I could not understand his behavior. I tried to find even a little love for him, as I knew there was not enough food to sustain him and he probably had to surrender to the other bears older and larger to him. I knew he was simply hungry, but even tapping into a tiny bit of love escaped me, never mind an abundance of mercy&compassion.

I often tried to reason with him...imagine that, attempting to reason with a bear. My fear only escalating as my precious short summer season was dwindling away. My friend tried to convince me that I needed a gun. I was horrified, "a gun", at the Sacred Garden, a place of peace and harmony....I don't think so. The next step was to call in the forest ranger to see if he could discover something that might be in the garden that was attracting Ollie, that I was not aware of due to my ignorance of bear behavior.

He found nothing out of order, yet he also suggested I purchase a gun. I could only cry like a small child. "Yes", I admitted I was petrified of Ollie, "but I am a spiritual teacher, a keeper of the garden and guardian of the woods...I am supposed to have an abundance of mercy&compassion for all things...I couldn't even conceive of owning a weapon, never mind using one.

He stared at me as if I had two heads, and then continued to explain that I could use rubber shot instead of real bullets and just hit him in the butt. I walked away totally despondent and Ollie's presence continued throughout the day and night.

My friend tired of being awakened in the middle of the night, as well as having to rush over to my home many times throughout the day, finally arrived with his gun, along with an intent to instruct me on its safe use. Forty-five minutes later I stood there with the gun in my hand, crying that I could not do it. I was not even capable of shooting it into the air.  He insisted and so I did, and then dropped it to the ground and sobbed for another hour. And...Ollie..well he continued he acrobatics on my front lawn.

I became acutely aware of his energy as many weeks passed and I was loosing what was left of my sleep deprived mind, along with my patience and a bit of weight as well. I could sense him at least a minute or two before he appeared out of the woods. I would actually do  a countdown as I tensed every muscle in my body in anticipation of his arrival. One day he showed up in the early afternoon and I stood on a bench along the 75 feet of windows overlooking the garden. He walked up to the closest aspen tree to the house, stood on his hind legs and placed one large paw around the stick of a tree, acting as if he were standing with a friend, and he simply stared back at me, as if he were inviting me to come out and play with him. I would have nothing to do with his offer. I stayed within those walls, perspiring with the over 110 degree heat and building  with all the windows and doors securely shut and locked to prevent his entry into the remainder of my space.

I simply knew I could not go on with this level of fear and still expect to physically survive. I continually asked for guidance, as to what to do to make Ollie leave once and for all. I constantly pondered his seemingly unnatural behavior...he did not sleep during the heat of the day, as most of his brethren...he appeared to be fat and happy, despite the lack of food available to him...everything he did, did not even resemble the behavior of bears.

Then one morning like that bolt of lightening out of nowhere...I suddenly remembered who I was and most likely there was some deeper meaning to Ollie's undivided attention towards me. I had been trained, mentored and practiced in recognizing the signs of spirit....and yet I had allowed my fear of this hairy brother to stand me down and forget my knowingness. Instead of fearfully awaiting his arrival...I sat down to meditate and lo and behold..there he was...not outside of me, but inside of me.

He immediately stated "it is about time" and then he reprimanded me for calling him Boo Boo when he first came around. He told me he had been sent as a messenger, and that I was to follow him. So I did!

He moved through the woods slowly, so he would not lose me along the thick brush and we walked for hours...me at a safe distance, for even within this other dimensional realm I was not fully trusting of him. Eventually we reached a large open area amongst the trees where I could see many bears gathered. They were not only numerous beyond my immediate ability to count, they were considerably larger than my guide. Most of them seemed annoyed by my presence, yet tolerant of me as long as I promised not to stay too long. Hmmph I let escape from my mouth, as I thought, sure you guys can romp all over my roof at night, but I can't stay in your circle for long. A few of them looked at me in disgust and then I remembered this was an altered state and they could easily read my mind.

I decided not to think anymore while in their presence. I was left standing alone while they went about what ever business happens in a bear circle. Eventually a large female moved toward me. I knew immediately she was the mother bear, the matriarch of the clan and I stood perfectly still...fully knowing this was not one I wanted to cross.

She gazed deep within my soul through the windows of my eyes with an undeniable projection of more than an abundance of mercy&compassion. I felt ashamed of myself for being afraid of her, Ollie and the others. She telepathically spoke to the depths of my heart assuring me that I was surrounded by Oneness. She insisted that those living among me whether grass, trees, flowers, bunnies and/or bears were more than aware and practiced in the love of the One and that it was now my time to realize that I was one of the Oneness.

She said she had sent Ollie to retrieve me and that he had to keep coming to deliver the message until I was willing to hear and receive it. The message that I too, despite my apparent lack of self-love, was also filled with the knowingness and courage to express an abundance of mercy&compassion for all things, but that I had to especially start giving it to myself first.

I cried, but this time they were not fearful tears, but joyful ones.

She told me I would overcome my fear of the bears and any other creature in the woods that I was concerned could do me harm by accompanying her every evening as I fell asleep. She explained as my body slept, my spirit would walk among the trees with her and she would instruct me in all levels of abundance of mercy&compassion. She also directed me to go back to my conscious reality to make peace with Ollie and make peace with myself. She said I would begin this process by painting a picture of Ollie and myself, expressing my abundance of mercy&compassion for both of us in our lesson of the summer.

I followed her instructions where you will see the love that now exists between Ollie and me as a result of giving to myself an abundance of mercy&compassion, which allowed me to overcome my fear.
I now spend part of my days and some summer nights physically walking in the trees, unafraid of whatever or whomever may also be there. I have spent many hours looking for Ollie, as after that day, so many years ago, when he guided me to the matriarch of the clan, I have never seen him physically or etherically again.